Why Ichthyologic.com?

This one is one of my favorites and provided the impetus for the name of this blog site, enjoy.

Unable to evolve, Bubbles passes on.
Budgeteer News: Friday, January 06th, 2006

Looking back, it has been a hard year. First, I lost my pet rock Skippy, next my pet crow Scrappy nobly gave his life for medical science. And now my friend, Bubbles the fish, is gone too.

I first met Bubbles while at the office of my therapist, Dr. I. A. Muse, while we were both in the waiting room. I asked Bubbles what brought him to see the good doctor. He told me that the pressure his family was putting on him to evolve was proving very stressful, which he believed was the cause of his back problems.

He shared that no matter how much scientific information he used to persuade his family that evolution wasn’t possible, they just pressured him all the more to accept their beliefs or to keep quiet. This vexed him because they would never even look at all the data which clearly shows that the earth could not be as old as evolutionists say it is. He noted, because of the amount of mud and debris that rivers wash down each year, and other known rates of erosion, the floor of every ocean should have been filled with much more silt than exists, if the evolutionist view were correct. He added that, every year, over 450 million tons of sodium erodes into the ocean. If the earth was even a fraction of the billions of years evolutionists claim, the Dead Sea would be the closest thing to fresh water we would know: and already nothing can live there.

Despite the calculations, tables, and mathematical equations, his family said he was not a scientist, only a fanatic. Nothing he said could persuade them. He showed them repeatable experiments whereby petrified wood could be formed in a matter of days, in conditions which mimic those found naturally. He did the same with opals, which once were thought to take millions of years to form, but which we now know can be grown in just a couple of weeks time. He documented cases of stalagmites and stalactites which closed the mouths of mines only decades after they had last been used, proving how rapidly rock formations can grow, thus dispelling the myth of old age. These, and many other examples, fell on deaf fish ears.

No matter what he tried he was only pushed back down into the mud. The school of fish he had once happily swum with expelled him for his diverse way of thinking. They made him put stickers on the front of his research tomes which read “Caution: the Sturgeon General has determined that reading this material will increase your mercury levels.” Instead of reasoning with him they turned on him, and said he was nothing more than a bottom crawler.

Dr. Muse had been able to help him by showing him that like begets like. If his fish friends truly believed they were nothing more than modified pond scum, then we should not expect them to think too much higher than that. After all, a student is not greater than his teacher, and their name calling strategy was not of very intelligent design.

In the end, Bubbles was a giant among men and fish. Tragically, he suffered a brain aneurysm while working on an algorithm to power his new search engine for marine animals, Ichthyologic.com. He had hoped to complete this project sooner, but having a memory span of only three seconds tends to hamper such work. Nevertheless, his passing will be remembered by those who loved to be filleted with razor logic, and by Shore Lunch aficionados.

Bubbles' last wish was to be buried in the La Brea Tar Pits. In this he was of one mind with Richard Dawkins, a high priest of Darwinism, who said, "Only an extremely small proportion of creatures has the good fortune to be fossilized... I should consider it an honor." Bubbles thought Dawkins would be remembered as a fossil, but for very different reasons then he imagined.